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September 29, 2006
This is something I have been holding onto for a while.
I have disappointed myself in compromising the values I hold dear. Most of all I have disappointed God and the guilt is a heavy burden to bear.
...Then there is Redeeming Grace.
As the song goes, "A thousand times I've failed, still Your mercy remains..."
Many times I've wondered if God had left, if He'd given up on me but I realised He never did. There His Spirit was ever present when I needed it the most. As the many times I have asked for His forgiveness, I know, in His mercy, he has. I don't deserve it but I am grateful. Now my life will be that of no compromise. I don't promise it as I am only still human, but to the utmost of my abilities and with His Spirit, I will.
Through the difficult period at the start of the year, to Elim's change in leadership, to the trip and the Hillsong Conference, to my involvement once again in the youth ministry, God had it all perfectly planned out.
"You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics, in physical laws every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the Universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that 'as you reap, so will you sow' stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff. I'd be in big trouble if Karma was going to finally be my judge. I'd be in deep shit. It doesn't excuse my mistakes, but I'm holding out for Grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity." -Bono
12:33
